One of the most common problems in marriage is sexual intimacy. President Spencer W. Kimball said, “Divorces often occur over sex…If you study the divorces, as we have had to do in these past years, you will find that there are [many] reasons. Generally sex is the first. They did not get along sexually. They may not say that in the court. They may not even tell that to their attorneys, but that is the reason.” (The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, 1982, p. 329) I can testify that the words of the Prophet are true. As a lawyer I have seen many couples whose want to divorce. When they talk about their relationship, many of them say they have not having sex for months, or even worse, they are sleeping in separate rooms. Unless the couple wants to improve their sexual intimacy relationship, among other things, they will end in divorce.

Why sexual intimacy can be a problem in marriage? Sean E. Brotherson explained that there are “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” for sexual fulfillment in marriage, specifically,

• Ignorance. President Hugh B. Brown, /(1960) said “Thousands of young people come to the marriage altar almost illiterate insofar as this basic and fundamental function is concerned. “The sex instinct is not something which we need to fear or be ashamed of. It is God-given and has a high and holy purpose … We want our young people to know that sex is not an unmentionable human misfortune, and certainly it should not be regarded as a sordid but necessary part of marriage. There is no excuse for approaching this most intimate relationship in life without true knowledge of its meaning and its high purpose.” (You and Your Marriage, 1960, pp. 73, 76)
• Inhibition. “Refers specifically to an avoidance of dealing with one’s thoughts, feelings, desires, or behaviors related to sexual functioning in marriage. Many husbands and wives who have an adequate understanding of sexual matters in marriage still struggle to overcome negative thoughts or feelings associated with the expression of sexual love”
• ill will, “Ill will” is a catch-all term for emotional or verbal abuse, inattentiveness, apathy, isolation, anger, or other forms of negativity that couples may practice and thus perpetuate a cycle of ill feeling and willful hurt in a marriage relationship. No aspect of marriage is more sensitive to emotional upheaval than the sexual relationship.”
• Immorality. Some example are pornography, and infidelity, (Sean E. Brotherson, Fulfilling the Sexual Stewardship in Marriage)

What can we do to improve our sexual fulfillment in marriage? I believe the understanding of the doctrine on the purpose of marital sexuality can help us to fight against the four horsemen for sexual intimacy in marriage, and love our spouse with all our heart, mind and body. The Family a Proclamation to the World established that “Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other…” Sexual intimacy is not a sin, but a commandment in marriage and has four purposes.

Purpose of Marital Sexuality

1. Becoming One. God said, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” (Genesis 2:22) Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said that the sexual union is a “welding…in matrimony a physical blending [symbolic of a] large, more complete union of eternal purpose and promise… a symbol of total union…of their hearts, their hopes, their lives, their love, their family, their future, their everything.”
2. Connection with God. The sexual union between husband and wife represent a sacrament that “invites and welcomes the presence of God” (Gadner, 2002. P5) Elder Holland taught, “Sexual intimacy is…a symbolic of a union between mortals and deity, between otherwise ordinary and fallible humans uniting for a rare and special moment with God himself and all the powers by which he gives life in this wide universe of ours… Indeed, if our definition of sacraments is that act of claiming, sharing, and exercising God’s own inestimable power, then I know of virtually no other divine privilege so routinely given to us all –women or men- ordained or unordained, Latter-day Saint or non Latter-day Saint- than the miraculous and majestic power of transmitting life, the unspeakable, unfathomable, unbroken power of procreation.”
3. Strengthening bonds. Sexual intimacy strength the emotional and spiritual bonds in marriage. President Spencer W. Kimball taught that it is a way of expression of love for our partner. He said, “There is nothing unholy or degrading about sexuality in itself, for by that means men and women join…in an expression of love”
4. Bring children into a family. “Be fruitful, and multiply and replenish the earth” (Genesis 1:28) was the first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve because the family is central in the Plan of God. Only through “sacred powers of procreation” it is possible to conceive and bring the children of Heavenly Father to earth.

I know that the understanding of the doctrine on sexual intimacy will help us to seek knowledge about sexuality, to feel confident about the sacredness of sex in marriage, to change our ill will to reject our spouse, and will help us to be clean in mind and act to honor and love our spouse, to accomplish our goal to have an eternal marriage.