Charity: The Key to Have a Heavenly Marriage

John M. Gottman taught that all marriage have perpetual problems, but when a spouses can´t find a way to solve them “the result is a gridlock.” The issues in conflict are “basic difference in personality or lifestyle preference” Does it sound familiar to you to have some gridlocks in your relationship with your partner?

Characteristics of Gridlocked Disagreements

1. You’ve had the same argument again and again with no resolution.
2. Neither of you can adress the issue with humor, empathy, or affection.
3. The issue is becoming increasingly polarizing as time goes on.
4. Compromise seems impossible because it would mean selling out-giving up something important and core to your believes, values, or sense of self. (The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, p. 236-237).

What is your answer to the question? And if you ask to your spouse, what would he or she answer? After read the four characteristics my answer is definitely yes. I have some gridlocks and I know my husband has too, but what can we do to cope with our gridlocks?

Many therapists could say that communication is the key, but I learned that the real key is charity. H. Wallace Goddard said, “Charity can be the lens through which we see each other.” The Book of Mormon explains that charity is the pure love of Christ. I wonder, How can I purely love my husband as Christ has loved me? How can I see him as Christ sees him? I would like to be a charitable wife for my husband. What can I do to have the gift of charity? Moroni said, “…Pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ…” (Moroni 7:48) What wonderful words! Again, Pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart that ye may be filled with this love. Can we feel the strong invitation to be humble and recognize that only through the help of our Heavenly Father we can love in a perfect way?

If you are having some gridlocks that you can´t solve, I invite you to pray with all the energy of your heart to be filled with this love, charity, to love your spouse with the same love Jesus has for you. I invite you to appreciate more the virtues and strengths of your partner, cover his imperfections with your charity and don’t try to change him. Gottman said, “When we love our partners the way they are, we don’t care if they change! Acceptance is the key to change in those areas where it is possible.”

I know that just through following Jesus Christ example and praying with all the energy that our heart is possible to have, we will be filled with the kind of love He has, charity. My marriage got better when I asked God to love my husband, when I accepted him as he is, then all the things changed in my marriage. I could see in my husband his divinity, I could recognize that I had to clean my heart. I am very grateful for my husband. He is my life. He is the best man in the world, he is my best friend and I want to be with him for all the eternity.