There are many books and marriage therapists inviting couples to save their marriage though developed technics to improve communication and conflict resolution, but is it all you need to make your marriage work? No, even when those things are important to make your marriage work, you will need more than only to learn to talk and listen actively, and to solve problems. The key is inside of you. The Lord taught, “Now I would that ye should remember that God has said that the inward vessel shall be cleansed first, and then shall the outer vessel be cleansed also.” (Alma 60:23) It is the same in marriage. The first step is to change our ”natural spouse” to the “saint spouse” through the atonement of Christ. (Mosiah 3:19)

Some examples of “natural spouse” are negative interactions in marriage. Dr. John M. Gottman has studied and data marriages for more than four decades. He has recognized that couples with serious difficulties in the heart of their marriage have four attitudes in their discussions that destroy marriage.

 “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse”

 

1. Criticism. It “expresses negative feelings or opinions about the other´s character or personality. Some forms of criticism expressions are: Why are you…? And “you always”, or “you never.”
2. Contempt. It is “a sense of superiority over one´s spouse. It is a form of disrespect.”
3. Defensiveness. Is a way of blaming your partner, or a way to appear as the “innocent victim.”
4. Stonewalling. “The stonewaller tends to look away or down without uttering a sound, and acts as though he/she couldn´t care less about what you are saying, if he even hears it.”

Can you recognize some of those attitudes in your discussions?

Wallace Goddard, PhD in his book Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage said, “I believe that the key to a healthy relationship is being a healthy, saintly, God-seeking person- to be born again- to be a new creature in Christ. When we are more godly, fewer things bother us. And when we run into problems, we are more likely to process them in helpful ways.” (p. 15) Again, the key is in you.

Let me explain how to become a saint spouse. Understanding and living the principles of the Jesus Christ gospel “softens our hearts and leads to Christ-like behavior, which culminates in happy marriage” (Brother Britley) . When you are willing to leave the “natural spouse” to convert in a “saint spouse” then the Holy Ghost will help you to become as “a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.” When the “natural spouse” die the “saint spouse” born, then you can help your spouse following the patterns of Heavenly Rescue through the principles established in The Family: A Proclamation to the World that said: “Successful marriage and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.”

I believe in marriage. I know we can become eternal families through understanding our sacred role as spouse and applying the gospel principles.